How My Life Changed After Marriage!

“Shaadi karke phas gaya” or "Zor Ka Jhatka” are some lyrics that come to my mind when I think of Bollywood songs post marriage. Not claiming that there are no happy songs but these are songs definitely ring a bell! Before writing this article I did some research, it was sad to find out that all the blogs majorly spoke only about how marriage negatively changes your life. My story is different! 

Just to give a background I have been married only since 9 months, so I am still a newbie. I am a Hindu (GSB) Mangalorean girl married to Sikh boy. Like they say, ‘You don’t marry a man, you marry the family’.  It has always been a debatable subject whether one should stay separate or within-laws post marriage. I live with my in-laws (including brother in law) & my husband’s grandmother. Career wise I am in the field of Content - Digital Marketing & have a full time job. Also, just a heads up before I got married I hardly ever cooked or did a lot of house work (I used to help though). I'm not very proud of it because I have a working mother.

Just like every other girl, I too had a lot of apprehensions before getting married. Will my new family except me as I am, will I be able to adjust, will I understand their culture or will they be okay with the fact that I didn’t know how to cook & 100 more questions. 

The problems that we have when we move in with a new family – House rules, personal freedom, privacy, lifestyle choices, acceptance of career.

In my case I was lucky as I have really liberal in laws (including my husband’s grandmother). My mother in-law helps in all the household chores, to be very specific - when I come back from work she always gets me a glass of water. On the other hand, my father in law actually treats me like a daughter – we joke around & drink together too!

A very big issue that women generally face after marriage is what direction would their career go!  Although my mother in law is a housewife she fully understands & supports my career. She always encourages never to leave you job & they are okay when I come home late because of work.

 Another major problem is house rules. You are expected to follow them & not make any changes. In my case, there are no rigid “House Rules” that I am not able to follow. The rules are almost like my house before marriage.

When it comes to privacy & personal space, I feel this is where I had to adjust a little. When it comes to private time my husband,  we've fully carved that out. We go for dinners or watch our favourite series & so on. Personal space is something where I slightly struggled. I have realized gone are the days where I get to laze around for hours to watch any series or movies all by myself. I am expected to spend some time with the family or there are times when my husband would ask me to get up either for some house work or something that he needs to find. :( 

Another biggest concern I have heard & seen our lifestyle choices. This is ranging from clothes, to food (e.g. – you’re a non-vegetarian married in a vegetarian family), TV programs you watch etc. Personally, nothing major changed for me, apart from TV programs but Netfilx, Prime etc are my saviors.

I am not claiming that I don’t miss my parents or nothing has changed. Like, I hate getting up before 10:30 am on holidays, I can't do that any more! I have times when I don’t feel like doing any household chores but have no option. I too at times (rarely) imagine how life would be if I was living alone with my husband, probably more lazing, more me time. Sounds vague - why does one need so much me time but with the work & travel hours you definitely need that! 

The simple thing for a happy family - all the members make little adjustments to co-exist with each other & there would be nothing major to complain about. We just need to pick our battles wisely, communicate & draw our lines. 
Like If I have any issue with my mother in law I do discuss it with my husband but tell my mother in law myself. Or I do take my own time to shut down when I have my very own me time – watching anything or pampering myself etc.

I agree that there are pros & cons in living alone & with in-laws. It all depends on how you deal with every situation & majorly how your in-laws decide to treat you.